How does she get so many likes? She gets so much attention.

He is just better than me in everything, I’ll never be good enough.

Wow- she is so happy with her perfect husband and kids, but I’m still single.

These are real quotes I have heard from really amazing men and women of God. These comparative statements KILL. The truth is comparison has always been a tactic of the enemy. He wants you to desire what you don’t have and lose sight of what you do. We were raised in a society of photo shopped models, ads that told you if you wore “Y” you would get “Z”, and the infamous selfie. Comparison holds you to a standard you simply cannot be held to, because it’s a standard of a completely different person. Jesus never asked you to be that person, and quite frankly, the number of “likes” and “followers” you get holds no value in eternity, nor in the world for that matter.

One day, this reality of comparison hit me hard. I was getting down about one of my friend’s ability to lead worship. I can barely hold a tune most days and I wondered why I wasn’t as good as her. In the time I spent comparing myself, I was MISSING OUT on the gifts and talents the Lord wanted to develop in me! The truth is the enemy, in those moments, was ROBBING ME of the joy of discovering my unique skill set & character traits. The crazy part of this revelation was when I finally repented to her, she had her own laundry list of things SHE HAD COMPARED HERSELF TO ME WITH! I was in shock.

The Bible says “Don’t compare yourself among yourselves.” And that, my friend, is wisdom! Not only does comparison produce self hatred, but it inhibits John 17 love, because how can you truly love or champion someone whom you’re jealous of?

How do we not compare ourselves then? I found the answer and although it’s simple, it takes a lot of daily decisions to walk out. Ready for it?

Humility.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” When our eyes are glued on our Creator, and His purpose and plans, you don’t have time to feel bad for yourself. In fact, as you go deeper with the Lord, you will get His heart for others and His heart for you! On this journey of intimacy, I have realized I may not be the best singer, but boy, I can preach!! Who would have thought?!

Ephesians 4 talks about how we are all different parts of the body of Christ, and the Lord has been showing me how to CELEBRATE each part! A foot can’t be a very good hand, even if it tries its hardest. We need to truly encourage and champion our brothers and sisters in being what part God has called them to be. We need to see them as God sees them and look for ways to SERVE them and their gifts. Yes I said it, serve them!

After all, we are all on the same team, right? Their victories should be our victories. In Luke 22 comparison rose among the disciples and they asked Jesus which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus responds by saying “The one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.”

An easy combat plan to KILL COMPARISON with another person is to serve their gifts and ministry. Ask how you can help them grow. Give them a platform to shine on! Edify them with your words to their face and behind their back!  Now every time my friend plays worship, my heart truly leaps for joy because I know she is walking out in who Christ has called her to be. As for me, in the midst of serving others, the Lord has been faithful to open doors for me to preach. And I can honestly say, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else!

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourself.” [Philippians 2:3]

Have you ever been in a season where the knowledge of His presence can’t seem to take the eighteen inch journey from your head to your heart? Have you ever come to a point where the comfort of the cliche quote won’t cut it for where you are walking? Have you ever struggled with practical steps for what to do during dark seasons?

Three years ago I was approached by a good friend who asked me if I could talk to a young man he had begun mentoring. I agreed without asking for any other details. I was over one thousand miles away from this guy, but I had a desire to encourage and bless him. Little did I know that I was in over my head.

As soon as we began texting and messaging on Facebook, he opened up about his life. He had come from a wealthy Christian family, but had struggled with chronic depression. He had suicidal thoughts every day, and terrible dreams. He had a medical condition that no doctor could diagnose. He had incredible pain all through his body and it would leave him with an intense desire to simply end it all so he didn’t have to endure it any more.

I was over my head and out of my paygrade. I didn’t know what to do. He loved Jesus, but couldn’t understand why this was happening and why God would allow it. In that moment, I had so many different ideas come flooding into my mind. The first was how I could rationalize the problem of pain like C.S.Lewis and tell him the philosophical reasons for why pain existed. I thought about confronting him about his lack of faith. I even thought about asking him about hidden sin in his life or “generational curses” in his family line. Maybe telling him about demons and the enemy would help him. But as I sat there with zero answers and even less capability to relate, I just felt the Holy Spirit move me to simply sit, listen and encourage.

So I sat and I listened. I listened to him talk about his pain, his anxiety, his depression. I simply sat and listened. The cliché quotes from your favorite pastor and missionary don’t cut it for someone in deep pain. They don’t want a sound bite or a catchy quote to cover over their pain. Every night I would talk to him and pray with him. I simply prayed for breakthrough, peace, and a raw encounter with Jesus. All I had for him was knowledge of his identity in Jesus and that there was a loving Father that was for Him and not against Him. Every day for three weeks straight I would give him no answers but simply pray for breakthrough.

After three weeks our schedules and busyness took over, and our conversations and praying soon tailed off. I would still pray for him but the intensity of our contact wasn’t the same. Soon over a year passed and I had all but forgotten about those three intense weeks.

Almost two years later out of nowhere he reached out to me. He then began to tell me a story I couldn’t even believe was true. He shared with me that not long after those three weeks, he had decided to join a ministry to reach youth through adventure sports. He knew he was in pain, but wouldn’t allow his pain to define him but rather he would reach out to the youth and share his story. Soon after stepping out in faith, all the excruciating pain left his body. Soon the depression and crippling anxiety fell away as well. He suddenly knew and was able to confidently say, “The joy of the Lord is MY strength.” His travels and ministry even took him into NORTH KOREA! He had ministered in many nations all over the earth. He not only was healed and delivered, but was now a trumpet of victory letting the enemy know that THEY HAD LOST!

I wanted to share this story to release hope in your heart. That sowing in the dark never looks pretty. You never sow with all the answers. You never sow knowing when the breakthrough will come or exactly what you will receive when it comes. You sow in Faith. You sow in quiet trust. I want to encourage you to not give up hope. To persevere in dark seasons, knowing that Jesus is a rewarder of those who seek Him. He sees you, He knows you, He is with you. Sow, weep, cry out, and keep sowing. He will exalt you at the proper time, but remember He WILL exalt you.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

Psalm 126:5-6

Singleness. Is it the curse word of our generation?!? Haha, NO!  But after talking to some people in your family, friend groups, and even church communities, you might think so huh? Since when did people start seeing singles as second hand citizens? Have you ever had grandma at the latest family gathering ask you, “When are you going to get married?”, or have been the fifth wheel on a Saturday night mini golf hangout, I assure you you’re not alone! The truth is, after years of wrestling and seeking God, I can confidently, for the first time, say that I can see singleness for what it really is: a gift!!

Let me rewind back a bit… I was always the girl who had a boyfriend in high school, so when I gave my life to Jesus, I assumed it was the same drill. Find a guy who likes you, flirt a little, go on some dates, decide if you want to be with him for “x amount of time.” Repeat.

It was quite a “shock to my system” when I realized that my process was not the Lord’s process or will. He had something so different in mind for my life but, unfortunately, it took years of me making mistakes and getting my heart broken to finally walk out His will. When I began to search out His Word, seek out wise counsel (Godly married couples), and really find out God’s heart on singleness, dating, and marriage it dawned on me: “I am set apart for the Lord, so why does my romantic life look so much like the world?” Don’t get me wrong, dating isn’t evil, but in my journey and walk with Jesus, I put a stake in the ground that day, I declared war, deciding I would be tenacious in my journey to let God in on my love story and stand for purity. I realized not only was I called to be SET APART for Jesus and His kingdom, but His plans for me in this season were greater than I could ever imagine. I wanted to share with you some of the habits I developed, and mindsets that were shifted, so you, my friend, can experience true freedom in your singleness.

1. Honor the desire of your heart and invite God into it!

Let’s be real. God knows your every thought, so there is no point in trying to hide from him (or lie to yourself) about how you are feeling towards a subject. If you are one whose heart longs to be married, talk to Him about it! I have received a lot of various counsel on how to walk out this season, but some advice that did NOT work for me was when people defined “surrender” as acting like you don’t even want it anymore! That’s baloney! Surrender is trusting God with it, but like any relationship, trust takes a friendship, and a friendship takes conversations. The more I’ve learned God’s heart for me, the more I’ve been able to have real conversations with Him, particularly about this subject. Some of my most beautiful moments have been when in the place of prayer, I have brought this to Him, and have been able to realize how much He cares. I’m gonna be real with you: some seasons I am driving in my car, windows down, solo and thanking God for this season. Other times, I am in my room, with tears full of frustration, expressing my desire to Him. At the end of the day, I’ve learned an important lesson: He cares. He really, simply, truly cares about how you are feeling and He is wanting to speak into this area of your life. In this place, you will find true peace!

2. Embrace your Single Season as the Gift that it is!

This is a season that once it’s over….you don’t get it back! I was out with two of my single girlfriends, I had literally called them up thirty minutes before and asked them to get a late night snack, and we got on the topic of singleness. We realized we couldn’t have imagined being married that day. We wouldn’t have just been able to spontaneously go hang out if we had a household to tend to. We didn’t have to ask anyone if we could spend that money. We didn’t have to ask the husband if it was OK. And we didn’t have to find a sitter for our kids.

That night, we all entered into a deeper appreciation of our season. Use this time wisely by going deeper with friends and with the Lord! Live it up with your friends and pursue them tenaciously! Remember too, this season is a time in your life where you can have UNDIVIDED attention for the one who created you! You have this time to dive into a relationship with God in such a unique way!! Don’t waste it away by making an idol out of your future spouse. 1 Corinthians talks about the true benefit of being single. This is a season you can give yourself FULLY to the Lord and fully to ministry, wherever that might be.

3. Become the Right Person!

I have an amazing couple who mentor me, and one day they told me “you should make a list of the qualities you want in a husband.” I looked at them confused and asked “Wait…haven’t you been telling me to not focus on guys, but on Jesus?” They quickly explained to me that once I make the list…focus on BECOMING that list. They made a good point. The FIRST thing I had on that list was “wise, yet faith filled.” At that moment I realized: WOW I am super negative sometimes and honestly don’t walk in a lot of faith. It was a good wake up call for me! I was praying for someone that had a trait that I have barely developed. This season is exciting for me as I am being molded and shaped to look more like Jesus! And guys…I REALLY like who Jesus is molding me into! I am learning to love myself in ways I never thought possible and becoming who the Lord has called me to be! Allow yourself to be pruned, and instead of looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, become that person!

4. Invest In Purity Now

Bottom line, if you are someone who scans a room now looking for your spouse or checking out others, what makes you think it will change once you meet “the one”? This is one of those “taking thoughts captive” moments. It’s natural to notice beauty around you, but it’s that second thought that can get you in trouble. There are always going to be attractive people around, but does that mean you are going to continue to admire them while you’re married!?

Lusting after another is an obvious sin, but I think we downplay other moments in our imagination. For example, I would meet a guy I liked, and within one hour in my head I had planned out our possible future together; kids, job, etc. I realized I was living in sin because that man was in fact not my husband, and I was not “loving the Lord with all my mind,” but focusing on foolish scenarios. Some of us may struggle with lust and having self control over sexual temptation, but the uncontrolled imagination of planning a life ahead of the one Jesus is actually giving you is just as dangerous and can lead to broken expectations and broken hearts.  We have to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23), and to do that we must guard our eyes as well (Luke 11:34).  A trick I have learned is when a thought/temptation comes to mind I simply ask God “What am I actually desiring right now? Is this a counterfeit for what God has for me?” Now be encouraged, God is fighting this good fight with you!

5. Cultivate Your Calling

Let me go ahead and kill this lie now. Your life doesn’t begin at marriage, neither does your identity or purpose. 1 Corinthians 7 talks about how the married are anxious about world things and how to please their spouse, but the unmarried are anxious about things of the Lord. What better time to start your ministry?! The truth is, you will NEVER have more time in your life than you do now! You will only continue to take on more responsibilities as you build a family, so when you have 168 hours in a week to yourself, why not put that towards starting to walk out what you feel called to? If you want to be a missionary, sign up for a trip now! If you feel called to be the world’s best parent, offer to babysit for married couples in your church. If you want to start your own ministry, go serve in one now and learn from someone else! Also…on a very practical level, sitting in your room, only talking to Jesus won’t get you very far in finding a life partner; you are more likely to meet people you would want to do life with if you are engaging in what you enjoy doing! So get out there and advance the kingdom!!

So although everyone may not follow all these tips to a tee, I have taken this handful of advice to push me to my ultimate goal: to be closer to Jesus & plan for what He would have for me. I am so excited for the day that I will be married, but I am am not living with that being my ultimate goal. I CHALLENGE you: Does your love life look like the world? Are you asking yourself, “how close can I get to the line?” or “How far can I get from it?” Are you waiting to be married or are you living out the fullest life you can now? Do you despise your singleness or are you maximizing it? Bring your heart to the Lord. Get His perspective and walk out this season as the set apart, powerful disciple you are called to be!

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him…I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” [1 Corinthians 7:32&35 NLT]

Original Roots

Going back to the roots of our original design can seem exhausting. We are all born into sinful nature, and allowing our spirit to move against our emotional habits is not a simple thing. Though it feels as though you are dragging your feet as the Lord carries you at times, this is one of the most beautiful things to experience with our Father. When we come to a place of vulnerability and openness with Him, He sees this as a glorious opportunity to create in us a new heart filled with His love and wonders.

Reflection of Jesus

Through this experience we quickly find the things that makes us different from everyone else. Then we begin to dwell in this place instead of walking it out confidently. We all know someone with a certain quirk that does not fit together easily with ours, but we need to remember that we are a community by design, not just a random collection of people.

Unity does not automatically appear one day out of a hopefulness that someone else will change or shift their thinking. Unity begins with each of us.

It begins with digging into the heart and original design of who we all were created to be: a reflection of Jesus. God created His children so that we may be here as encouragers and lovers of each other as well as of Him. He desires for us to walk side-by-side in harmony, following the music of His voice.

Though we all know that this isn’t always the case.

We all have different seams we’ve been sewed with. The differences that we point out so often don’t stop with our physical appearances and character traits, but continue with who we surround ourselves with and what we allow to stick in our minds. Different cultures come into play and a lot of times our personal preferences don’t match up with each other.

But let’s take a moment and see what would happen if we didn’t focus on our differences and rather looked at what unites us. When we take a step back and humble our thoughts, we realize that the most beautiful creation the Lord has ever made is each human being with whom we interact. The Lord created us in His image, and He is the most beautiful being there ever was and is to come. There is no other such unity that could be more powerful than among those who, having been given authority through Jesus Christ, come together to work as one body in spite of anything else.

Every community is going to have it’s own personality and quirks, but that’s what creates the freedom of walking in our differences and the beauty of bringing together originality, because in that place we will find the complete original design of our Creator.

Whether it’s your first time going on outreach or you’re just determined to perfect your packing list, we know the importance of being prepared. We also know that when living for two months out of a hiking backpack, it is critical to pack smart. This blog is brought to you courtesy of the experience of nine different outreaches to thirteen different countries (Oman, Haiti, Israel, Lebanon/Turkey/Ethiopia, Jordan, Costa Rica, Jamaica, France, and Malaysia/Indonesia). We hope these gems will make it onto your must-have packing list and help you learn what is essential for outreach and what you can do without.

The biggest lesson we have learned with packing is that you will always need less than what you expect on outreach. While it might feel great to bring twelve shirts and five pairs of pants…

You really only need seven shirts maximum (though depending on the sweat factor you could even go as low as five) and two or three bottoms. Guys, we would recommend one pair of nicer pants for Sunday church services, and two more comfortable non-skinny bottoms. Girls, depending on what is considered modest in the country, we would recommend only bringing one pair of pants. We know you may have just internally freaked out a little, but you’ll really want to opt for some skirts instead. Skirts tend to go beyond culture. You should at least have one if not two skirts with you. 

Now on to the stuff you might not have thought about…

1. Packing Cubes

If clothes are rolled when packed, these cubes can hold, on average, seven shirts and two or three pairs of pants. Especially when living out of a hiking backpack, packing cubes are an amazing way to stay organized with limited space. A few of our staff went on an outreach to three totally different nations where weather ranged from blizzards to blazing heat. They said these cubes were a great way to keep their warm weather clothes out of the way in the colder countries and vise versa. One even said she used it in place of a pillow! Bottom line, these cubes are a great way to organize and limit the amount of room your clothing takes up.

2. Travel Towel

These towels are fast drying and save you a ton of room. Regular bath towels will eat up what small precious space you have when they come to about a foot wide and three inches thick when folded (even a small one). Travel towels will get you dry and then dry themselves out quickly if you have to pack it up the same day you use it. 

3. Wet wipes

These will likely come in handy in many situations. In many nations you will be considered lucky if you have access to a toilet, let alone toilet paper. When you are out and about in a village in Ethiopia and ask for a bathroom you may just be led to someone’s back yard where there is a hole in the ground. At this moment you will be so grateful when you have your wet wipes. We have also been thankful for these bad boys when shower situations were less than ideal. And by that we mean not at all available. These are a great way to feel fresh between showers.

4. Essential oils

Believe it or not, they have often been lifesavers on outreach. When we were in Turkey, one of our team members ended up burning her hand pretty badly on the top of a convection oven. Luckily she had her lavender oil, and it helped a ton! A burn that should have scarred is now only a memory that has faded away. Not only is lavender good for burns but it works for bug bites as well. In places like Ethiopia/Malaysia/Indonesia you may quickly become a feast for mosquitos. Just put a little lavender oil on and most of the itching will go away! On the other hand, to take preventative measures against all kinds of bugs, we recommend investing in a blend of eucalyptus, sandal wood, and/or peppermint. 

5. Sewing kit

This has come in handy for us so many times on outreach. You never know when you will tear your favorite skirt, or have a wardrobe malfunction of epic proportions where you will need to sew or patch something. On one outreach one of our team members had a zipper break on their backpack. They were fully packed so getting this fixed was crucial as we were doing a lot of moving around. Another time a team member had to make some emergency alterations on a bathing suit to make it culturally appropriate. We could share more, but lesson learned, many times, always have a sewing kit with you! You can usually find some decent cheap ones at Walmart or crafting stores with a needle and thread in multiple colors. So worth the buy!

Bonus items!

As a few simple but easy to forget bonus items, don’t forget to grab your hair ties (girls and guys with long hair alike), and a pair of cheap sandals for around your house/apartment/hostel or in a not-so-clean shower. Also, for you coffee connoisseurs, a “coffee sock” and ziplock of your favorite roast are easy and convenient to bring along (if you’re willing to make a little extra space).

So there you go, our seasoned staff members top five recommendations of items that will hopefully make your outreach a better experience. Remember, if you aren’t positive you will use it, you probably don’t need it. Now get out there and change the world!